update

well, we found out yesterday that we go back to being a family of two tomorrow. such is foster care. wait, wait, wait then... it must happen now, this moment, no delays! in this case it's a good move. she's excited, we're happy and we all went out for dinner last night to celebrate.

in other news i'll be blogging about our trip to new zealand over here. at some point i'll probably end this blog and write only over there, but for now it's in the experimental stage. i like the control of running the blog myself, but right now i just keep breaking things :)

conversation with a coworker

via instant messenger:

him: congrats!
me: ??
him: you made our co ed dodgeball team cuts
me: clearly that was not a challenging review process
him: you don't have a y chromosome

saying no. saying yes.

saying no is hard. i often struggle with over-committing because i don't want to say no, i don't want to let people down. nothing, however, compares to how hard it is to say 'no' to giving a child a home. i know we have to... that they aren't the right fit for our family... that we can't meet their needs. but that never makes it easy

•

today we got a call asking if we could take a young boy. one who has adhd. and displays a lot of aggression. one who has a habit of setting fires.

we said no.

it was not the first time we said no to taking in a child, and it won't be the last. i do not regret saying no. no part of me thinks we could provide adequately for him or make him a lasting part of our family. he needs help we can't provide, care we can't give. but it did make me wonder... who will say yes to a seven-year-old arsonist with anger issues? what kind of a future does he have? i pray it is one with the right mix of counselling, therapy and prayer. that he's in a safe, controlled environment that is also filled with love.

the sad truth is he probably isn't. i wish there were more people willing to love the hurt kids in our own communities. more resources available to those who try. more loving homes willing to take in hurt and damaged kids before they become really broken kids. is it hard? yes. it is inconvenient. it is stressful. it is very messy. but our homes and our families are the church. if we aren't the kind of family who can say yes, what kind of person does?

humbled

nothing teaches you more about yourself than marriage and parenting! we're growing, not always an enjoyable process, but a good one.

our teen found out last night that she will not be going home. ever. we've known this news would likely be coming for the past couple of weeks so in a way it is almost a relief to have it decided for sure. now we can move forward with working to get her into a less temporary placement, and hopefully once the grief & anger are dealt with things will get easier for her. at least the anxiety over not knowing is gone.

i am humbled and amazed by her resilience. at times i am tempted to be disappointed in her behavior or frustrated by what she doesn't know. then i think about how much her life has changed. it would be the equivalent of me losing my house, pets, husband, friends, church, all contact with family, and starting a new job where I knew no one... overnight. i don't know any adults who could weather that kind of change and continue to function normally. but she gets up every morning, goes to a strange school full of new people, comes home to a strange house where nothing is familiar... and continues to adjust without ever getting the chance to relax in a setting where she knows the routine and what to expect. my heart breaks for her and i wish i knew how to love her better.