adjustments

to set the stage i should say... it was not the best of days. And i do not always handle such days with the grace that i would like.

i had left work early, on my first day back from vacation. the dog has been sick and made a mess that i did not have time to clean up. i got locked out of the house. i did not have directions to the place i was going and (being unable to enter my home) had to drive to my parents. all of this so i could go on an hour-long drive to visit an oral surgeon because the tumor he removed is back for the fifth time (or is it the 6th? i've lost count). anyway, not the best of days and i was not in the best of moods.

so finally i was on the interstate. as i merged off the entrance ramp into the flow of traffic i was reminded of a head-on collision that recently made the front of our local paper. neither driver lived. a young college student and a mother of three had each gone for a drive and never came home. i was suddenly acutely aware of the traffic around me. of the unpredictability of life.

i started to wonder what would happen if i never made it back from my drive. would mg be okay? what if 10 days of marriage was all we got? i felt an urgent need to call him and tell him how much i love him. just in case. to tell him it would be okay if i was gone. that god was in control. and that i trust him [god] and his plan for our life.

i started thinking about my day. the day that had not gone at all according to my plan. i realized that it was a beautiful fall day. the sun was shining. the wind was carrying leaves in graceful swirls around my vehicle. here i was, consumed with anxiousness and anger at the situation. i totally missed the fact that i had an hour with nothing to do but delight in the beauty around me. the fields ready for harvest, the burning bushes with their brilliant crimson foliage. i had been given an incredible gift.

and it was about that time that i had an epiphany.

there i was driving along 74, praising and thanking god for the beauty of his creation, for the unexpected gift of the solitary drive. when i realized i would never have had this time, this conversation with god, if it weren't for that tumor. and i found myself, in all sincerity, thanking god for the tumor. you see, i realized that if the only reason this has recurred over... and over... and over again was that i would have this drive and this conversation with god well, that in and of itself made it all worth it. and in some small way i now understand how people who have been through great suffering can not just survive it, not just praise god in spite of it, but actually thank him for it. it takes a different perspective, to see suffering as a gift. it is definitely not an attitude i come by naturally, but i hope god continues to grow it in me.

we are wed

and... we are blogged.

a promise

discipline has never been a strength of mine. spontaneity, yes. discipline, no.

in fact when mg and i went through our pre-marital counseling, that was the one "red flag" on our personality evaluation. mg is disciplined. he schedules things. he plans. and he never, ever forgets anything. me? i forget. this is why i have a notebook calendar. and google calendar. and text reminders sent to my phone thirty minutes before anything important is scheduled to occur. this is also my main ammunition for why i think mg should let me get an iphone. ("see?", i say, "it would be my notebook, and my calendar, and the little reminders, all in one place!") i think he's actually going to give in.

so we're total opposites in this area and even though we know this about each other, it has already caused some minor conflict. "stress points", if you will. like one evening last week when i hit the wall and announced in frustration that i cannot handle life when it's this structured. to which he responded, "okay then, we can plan to be more spontaneous. how about three days each week.?"

exactly.

anyway, that was all a long introduction to say that i haven't been very disciplined about writing on this blog. in my defense it began as a personal online journal of sorts. which i could write in at random, and no one ever bothered to read. but now, it is something else. a way to share thoughts on life with friends. friends whose blogs i enjoy reading. so i shouldn't neglect you so shamefully by not writing on mine. this is my pledge to do better, to be more disciplined. who knows... maybe it will trickle over into other areas of my life.

perspective

we had some down-time on a photo shoot yesterday and i was chatting with one of my coworkers while we waited for things to start again. he's getting married in november, so the conversation naturally turned to weddings. he started in on how expensive everything is, how hard it's been to keep the costs down, but how much they've been trying to. they're in the process of buying a home so saving on the wedding was important. i was agreeing whole-heartedly, saying we're in the same position, until he casually mentioned two things. 1: the amount of money they've ended up spending, 2: the fact that they are not able to get the house they wanted because of it.

now i understand everyone has different priorities, and some people just have more money to spend. i don't think one can set some magic number that everyone should try to spend on a wedding. but the closer we get to our wedding day (we're at 9 days! it's finally a single digit number :) the more i realize that it is just one day. it doesn't have to be the-most-wonderful-day-of-my-life, though i'm sure it will be amazing. i don't have to look the-most-beautiful-i-will-ever-be, though of course i will put some effort into my appearance. most importantly, it shouldn't be a day that negatively effects our plans for the future. it should be a day that prepares us for our future. together. surrounded by our families and the people we love.

i guess what i'm trying to say is, my conversation yesterday made me so grateful for all the decisions we've made this past year. for the wisdom that our parents have given us. for the ability to focus on the things that last. because as amazing as our wedding is going to be, our marriage and our life together is the real goal of the day. i never realized until yesterday how easily one could lose sight of that.

so, thank you. to our parents, to our pastor and the great counsel he's provided, and to everyone else who's helped us remain grounded as we've planned for this day. we're ready.

when being wrong, is right

you know those things you tell yourself? things like:
"i will never work for a certain insurance company"
"i will never stay in this town"
"i will never be a two-dress bride"

that last was one i was really certain of.

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i have my wedding dress. (as you know) it was my mom's dress. we've put a lot of work into it and i love it. but as the wedding has gotten closer, i've started to worry. the material is very fragile. the (wonderful, twirly) skirt is made entirely of fine netting and already has several small tears in it. all it would take is one step on the hem for the dress to become unwearable.
everyone knows i'm a klutz, so there was nothing to do but sadly agree with mg that i should probably avoid much dancing.

then, last week over at apracticalwedding meg announced that a member of team practical has once again generously offered to give away her dress. a dress which was exactly my size, length, our colors...

so now i am officially to be a two-dress bride. i will have my wedding dress and i will have my party dress. one to wear while saying our vows, the dress that was there when my parent's said theirs. and one to dance the night away in, the dress that was there when leah and omid celebrated their joyous anti-wedding, wedding.

i have never been so happy to eat my words.

distraction

you know when you start something, and all of a sudden you realize it's dark out? and you have no idea where the time as gone?

earlier this morning i was introduced to theflashdance... and I just spent the better part of 2 hours exploring over there. music! photos! more music! video!

if you love seeing real weddings, with real people, who are enjoying themselves and having a great time, you should go lose some time there too.

30

we are officially one month from the wedding. for all those who are wondering... nope the dress is not done. if i look a little low on sleep lately well, now you know why.

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after a month of taking shots with no way to get them off my camera... i now have my card reader back. prepare for an onslaught of photos.

time to breathe

signs that normalcy is returning to our lives:

• i packed lunch every day this week
• i've slept at least 5 hours every night this week
• remy, once again, has a morning routine
• we went climbing last night
• italics has a new home
• mg has a new home
• we're going climbing tonight
• i already have groceries bought and dinner planned
• the car is not hovering barely above "e"
• i have more clean laundry than dirty

of course, what is normal? i'm leaving tomorrow morning for a two day work trip to chicago, friday is officially 6 weeks from the wedding, and i've just agreed to work up a t-shirt design for a local ultimate team.

here's to the chaos that is daily life.

discovery

last night remy found a large cricket. he was fascinated, curious, and afraid all at once. i wish i'd had a camera to capture his reaction the first time it jumped. there's just nothing quite like watching a 65 pound dog leap away from a bitty black bug.

indescribable

we had our final pre-marital counseling session with our pastor yesterday. at a certain point in the evening he was discussing the biblical role of a husband and as his comments were directed mostly to mg i was sitting there quietly listening and letting my mind wander just a bit.

i was looking over at mg as he focused intently on what our pastor was saying, when something happened. i'm not sure exactly how to describe it, but there it was. a change. a certainty. that this is it. we're ready. we can do this. this man is going to be the one who grows old with me.

and i realized that if what i felt then is even remotely like what it will be, on a certain day in october, to look into his eyes and promise myself to him... well, i can't wait for that moment. because the wedding is really about the marriage. our marriage. and it's beginning.

packages

aren't they fun? i love packages. even if i already know what's in them. especially when they're all wrapped up so pretty.

we received this one yesterday. a wedding gift. mg wants to wait to open it... so i cheated and looked off the registry to see what it is. a coffee grinder. now i really want to open it.
yes, i know... patience is a virtue.

naughty

i just returned from having my teeth cleaned at the dentist. suddenly, all i want to do is eat chocolate.

turtle pace

this should have been friday's post. friday was exactly 10 weeks out. exciting! so i thought i'd share a little preview of the slow but steady progress on the dress. but then the weekend was totally nuts. so here it is. three days late.





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a bittersweet note. a friend of mine has offered a home for italics. happy that he will have a wonderful place to live. sad that it will no longer be with me.

countdown

this is for marge:

8 Things I'm Looking Forward To:
1. Being married.
2. Cooking this recipe.
3. San Diego
4. Wearing my wedding dress (if I ever get it finished :)
5. Having more time to climb. (and cook, and draw, and read)
6. Moving to a house with a yard for the dog
7. Visiting New Zealand (someday)
8. The arrival of Baby Huber


7 Things I Wish I Could Do:
1. Dance
2. Hablo Español
3. Visit Africa (and Argentina, and Italy, and Great Britain...)
4. Improvise jazz.
5. Climb a 5.13
6. Fly (no one said these have to be realistic :)
7. Have a pet tiger.


6 Shows I Enjoy:
1. House
2. The Office
3. Family Guy
4. Scrubs
5. Bones
6. Law & Order SVU


5 Favorite Foods:
1. Cheese
2. Spinach (with artichokes, in pasta, as a salad...)
3. Pretzels
4. Onions
5. Freshly baked bread.


4 Guilty Pleasures:
1. Facebook
2. Cookies & Coffee
3. Doing nothing when I should be doing __________.
4. Staying up all night reading a book I can't put down.


3 Favorite Smells:
1. Coffee
2. Baking bread
3. Upper Limits


2 Frequently Visited Websites:
1. WeddingWire
2. Etsy


1 Person you would like to have lunch with (dead or alive):
Paul

alarm clock

someone decided he needed to be fed at 4:30 today.
good morning monday.

other's obsessions need not my life dictate

so i got a black eye playing ultimate yesterday. of course, the first thing people ask when they see me is "what happened?". so i explain. their next comment is invariably "you're going to stop playing the month of the wedding aren't you?"

this reminded me of the week i announced our engagement at work. the news spread fairly quickly and i instantly noticed a change in my female coworkers. they became obsessed with what i ate. the first time someone said, in total shock, "you can't eat that! you have a wedding dress to fit into!" i thought she was joking. nope. the trend has continued. should i get the urge to satisfy a cookie craving i must eat it in secrecy at my desk.

this has led me to the following realizations.
one: we are way too obsessed with appearance. sure, everyone likes to look nice and i do try to avoid injury and eat healthy. but beauty at the expense of activities i enjoy or the occasional cookie? it's not gonna happen.
two: the wedding is just one day folks! yes, i want to look lovely. but you know what? if i end up with a black eye, tan lines, or a giant zit right on my nose... the wedding will still happen. we will still be married at the end of the day, and hey - that black eye might just make a great story later.
my conclusion: i'm okay with the way i look. black eye, sudden outbreak of acne and all. i could get married tomorrow and still feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

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on a side note. the paper for our invites arrived today. it's just as great as i hoped it would be and made from 100% post consumer waste. yay! now to get the invites printed and mailed.

doldrums

i haven't posted in a while. not because i haven't had things to post about, i've just been feeling kind of down-in-the-dumps. like something needs to happen. which is odd because a lot is happening in my life right now.
maybe that's the problem. maybe i have too much going on and need to seek some peace and stillness. anyway, i do still exist and i'll get something added here soon.

change

so mg is allergic to cats. and italics is of the feline variety. which has made me wonder: what is it about this fallen world that makes even good changes have an element of sadness?

simplicity

yesterday mg and i took a loaf of bread, peanut butter, and jelly to the park, sat at a picnic table, and ate lunch in the sun. i think it was one of the moments we've shared that i've enjoyed the most.

artistry

michael card came and played at our church sunday night. it was the second time i've had the privilege of hearing him live and i was once again amazed by his ability to drive everything back to god. so often musicians leave me amazed at their ability or in love with their music. but rarely, even from artists from the so-called christian music industry, do i hear a song and simply sit in amazement over the power, wisdom and amazing plan of god.

of course, one can listen to any brilliant piece of music and credit god for the artistry and beauty of it. still, it is unique - especially when listening to such a talented poet and musician - to leave a concert thinking "what an awesome god" and only later "oh, and what an amazing artist".